January 8, 2014
No, seriously? Do you have any? Would you believe that the only thing I feel that I'm missing out on during this fast is MILK??? Last night I wanted it so badly that I felt the need to start stalking a herd of dairy cows. Can you imagine? I didn't think that I should have a piece of cheese or a cup of yogurt or rob a dairy. I felt that I should violate a cow! So...that's how day 3 of this Daniel Fast was for me. When you think of me, you should pray...for cows.
When my 13 year old sat down to a bowl of cereal with MILK today, I suppressed the deep desire to growl at him. I actually asked God this morning, "Why do I want milk so much?" In His infinitely frustrating wisdom He replied "Do you want the milk of the word?" Ouch. That meant sitting down to look up those "milk of the word" scriptures that I've not read in a very long time. There is one in particular that stood out to me.
"So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. 2 Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, 3 now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness." ( 1 Peter 2:1-3)
Well, thanks, God, for making it all SO simple. Just get rid of all evil behavior. Basically, whatever I'm doing, stop that! Isn't it funny how we can read a passage of scripture like that one and think, I'm not doing so bad. I'm not deceptive, I'm not a hypocrite, I'm not very jealous, and I'm pretty kind. Then I think a little deeper about the few extra things I'll purchase here and there, that I don't mention to my husband because he's asked me to be really careful about our budget that week. (Is that REALLY deception?) Or when I tell the kids that they have GOT to get over this obsession with screens, while I keep my Facebook app on speed dial. (Is that REALLY hypocrisy?) Or, when I see another family who looks really put together and has the best instagram photos and travels to the best places and eats the most beautiful foods and I think, "Ugh, why can't I...". (Is that REALLY jealousy?) Or, and this one hurts the most, when I'm very sarcastic to my child when a time for discipline and correction comes. (Is that REALLY unkind speech?)
Ok, Lord, Ok. O.K. It's plain to see that YES!!! It is all REAL and it is all ME. I've got some things to work on. I've got more than rough edges...I'm thinking, let's get some dynamite to blow out the issues that are deep within me. But then, there's another issue. God doesn't really have a "dynamite" mode. He works through progress, through promotion, through easing out the old by building up the new. He counts on me to do the active working on my actions and thoughts, while he works on my heart attitude.
I must crave pure spiritual milk. Crave it. Cry out for it. Because I have tasted His kindness. Because I really do want to know what it means to "grow into a full experience of salvation". What is that full experience? Do I know anyone who has achieved it? I want to. I want to be surrounded by women of faith who are fully experiencing what it means to live in His salvation. I want to experience it myself so that I can lead the way. I'll take it step by step. Sip by sip. His kindness is so extravagant, that just one taste will never do.
Father, thank you for your guidance. Thank you for the quiet words that echo deeply in my spirit. Make me thirst for you. For your righteousness. For holiness. Keep me from deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy and unkind speech. Let me not be satisfied until I have grown into a full experience of your salvation. Show me what that means. Guide my hands, cleanse my thoughts, strengthen my character, give me wisdom. Let me be a daughter who you are proud to call Your own. Amen.