What in the world is going on? You know how you go through those times in life that I like to refer to as "crazy-go-nuts"? And then, everything settles into place and the ride gets smooth and the sun is shining and the smiles are plentiful and all is well and then just when you've settled into your favorite recliner, you lean back a little too far and the whole thing falls over backward and dumps you out on the floor? Ok, well that pretty much sums up the last month of my life.
I had a really difficult experience with one of my kids, had a rough week at work, had a really difficult experience with another one of my kids (there are 5 of them, so challenges come up regularly, but these were the big deal kind), had an old friend die tragically, got in a car accident, and then separately had my car break down. In the midst of all of that, my Pastor and his family announced that they've accepted a Call to relocate and pastor a different church, out of state.
I have seen a video of Beth Moore teaching when she described how, if her world fell apart, she knew that she would go through all of the human emotions that naturally come along with major circumstances and transitions. However, she also knew that when all was said and done, she would rise back up, brush off her knees, take God's hand and get back to living the life He called her to live.
I'm doing that.
I'm doing a lot of thinking and praying and trying to figure things out. I have absolutely zero answers for all of this. I'm feeling all the human emotions. I have cried a lot, but it has only proven to me that I have loved deeply. I've broken through some walls with my children. It's a good thing and our relationships are growing. I've watched my husband take care of, and fight for, every tiny detail of resolving the accident I was in. It has softened me to see him take over in these extraordinary ways. My church family is now in an unexpected transition and we are all leaning on each other. This has taught me to pray for my Pastor's family, his new church, our existing church during transition, and for a family I haven't even met yet, who will eventually be coming to fill the role of Pastors at our church.
I have been picking up my Bible for the last month and feeling strongly encouraged to just keep reading Psalm 27. Over and over. And over. And over. I actually told God that I pretty much had it memorized and I'd really like to read something else now. He said no. Then he started highlighting 2 verses in my Spirit:
Psalm 27:8 You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]...
Psalm 27:14 Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
He gave me these scriptures as a preparatory gift to guide me through the times that He knew I was about to enter. I chanted "I require Your presence. I require Your presence. I require Your presence." There was no way I was going to get through all the things I was thinking and feeling and quaking under, without His presence. His presence was my Minimum Requirement.
And then, when I settled in, there was that second verse. Wait, hope, expect. Be brave, have courage and a stout heart. Endure. This verse might as well have said "Lather, rinse, repeat", because the repetition in my soul has been necessary.
I'm not yet on the other side of this journey, but I now know how to traverse it. One day at a time, waiting, hoping and expecting the Lord. His Word is true and His love never fails. Even when the recliner is upside down. ;)